Regular Teen
by 5olstice
Summary: After almost brutally killing her uncle, 14 year old Alina gets sent into the world of Regular Show . Now an adult feline, she gets a new outlook on life with responsibility and possibly love. Rated T for language and other stuff.
1. Deadly Factors and The Freaking Out

**Chapter One: Deadly Factors and The Freaking Out**

**So… since Invader Ash ain't working out too good, I figured I'd try out a Regular Show fanfic.**

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><p>My heart pounded like a hammer on cloth. I just had to keep my cool considering the fact I brutally beaten up and shot my uncle. Something inside me just snapped, the abuse was unbearable. Served that fat ass right.<p>

I just walked into the candy aisle at the local Terrible's, which is a half- mile away from my house. I grabbed a couple of packs of Fundip and stuffed it in my bra along with a new pocket knife (other one REALLY old), chocolate muffin, and a can of Mountain Dew. You can be amazed of the many uses of your aunt's bra. (I had my actual bra on underneath that boulder holder!) To my surprise, the cashier didn't catch me; then again he was high on weed (something you DON'T want to disturb.)

It was getting cold out, so I put on my multi-colored checkered jacket. It also helped with the stolen merchandise bulging out from my chest. I walked back to my house trying to avoid the dirty looks from people. I could see Uncle Phil already called everyone in town and told them of my latest _sin._ It turned out this one was the truth and they all believed him. Good for freakin' them they all have a working redneck brain to put together the facts I have blood on my jeans and my face has a serial killer look on it.

Our neighbor Mr. Farley didn't have to look at me twice before saying, "Good lord, I'm calling the law on you Alina!" and pulling out his cellphone and dialing 911.

Oh, my name is Alina by the way, for the jackasses that didn't already figure that out. But anyway, that's what you get for being a northern teenager living in Alabama. When I got to my house, from the looks of it, the 'medics already came and gotten my Uncle Phil. Who knew they could lift him onto the gurney?

When I walked in, the smell of garlic and Coors hit me, also the strong scent of blood from the living room. I took the stuff outta my shirt onto the couch and started locking all the doors and windows. The next thing I did was grab all the money in the house, from the cabinets to my uncle's room. Including some in these plastic coverings Uncle Phil never let me touch.

I took the money and the loot from the couch and ran upstairs to my room. When I got there, I set everything down on my bed and changed into my summer clothes (obviously I couldn't wear my aunt's bra above my real one forever, it's disrespectful for her rested spirit) My purple crewneck T-shirt and light blue denim shorts would do. I decided to start a new life out in the West, like the pioneers. Even though it was past 2010, it shouldn't have been that different than the nineteenth century.

Rough it to San Francisco, become an acid addicted hippie, then until I'm 45 I'd work as a tattoo artist. I grabbed my backpack and emptied out most of the school crap I wouldn't need.

It was switched out with my jacket, blanket, sketch pad and pencils (with sharpener), I stuff I stole from the gas station, and the 2000 bucks I could scavenge.

I looked around my room one last time.

The room had floral wallpaper covered in cartoon and band posters and pictures. My full-size bed with penguin sheets and a mahogany dresser with a T.V. on it took up most of the room. A vanity area was right next to the window. The last piece of furniture was a nightstand on the right side of the bed. Weird thing was, it was all a matching set, 'cept the bed.

To cool off from tension, I decided to watch T.V. The only thing on was Casey Anthony crap, so I went to my last resort, Cartoon Network.

It must've been "Flashback to the 90's Day" or something because all through the schedule was "Cartoon" cartoons. Nothing but Powerpuff Girls, Dexter's Laboratory, Ed Edd n Eddy galore.

Well, with the exception of a more modern show.

It was called "Regular Show." It sounded oddly familiar. I went to the guide info and it said, "Mordecai and Rigby, a blue jay and a raccoon, try and have the time of their lives without getting fired from their boss, Benson, who is an angry anthropomorphic gumball machine." 'oh yeah, no wonder this show is so familiar,' I thought to myself. Normally I'm a sucker for nostalgic cartoons, but Regular Show is one of my favorite shows.

Good news too, it was coming on next after Cow & Chicken. I checked my iPhone, only three minutes left. So I figured why not obliterate my brain cells for 180 seconds?

(A/N: this next part is kinda a spoiler, so it's a caution for those who haven't watched Cow & Chicken.)

Never understood why that devil thing had a huge butt. Or how Cow's cousin is a chicken that could survive without bones. **BONES!** Heh-heh, Boneless Chicken, be weird if somebody named their kid that. Even weirder, Candy Guts. It could be all like, "_Class, we have two new students, say hello to Boneless Chicken & Candy Guts._" (sweatdrop on all the students.)

Finally, Regular Show came on. The episode was "Meat Your Maker", but it was pretty old considering the fact it was Winter and the show debuted in the Fall. I watched the episode while I ate a chocolate muffin. "Are you sure Benson said we could grill the hotdogs?" asked the tall blue jay, Mordecai. "Benson totally said we could grill the hotdogs," answered the short raccoon, Rigby.

"Swweeet!"

" Let's get grillin'"

" Chillin' and Grillin'"

" Yeeeuuuaaahhh!" they both said waving their arms.

I watched that show for about five minutes before I realized something,

I felt _happy._

Even picking muffin bits outta my braces couldn't have put a damper on my mood.

But then I heard the police sirens.

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><p>I knew if the cops were coming for me, I'd be going to jail, no exceptions. I thought to myself, '<em>NO WAY, I AM NOT GOING DOWN LIKE THIS!'<em>

I went to work by blocking myself in. I took my bed and swung it around to push up against my door. The next thing to do was push my vanity table in front of the window in case they broke through there. I tried to drown out the sirens noise by putting on some music. I took my iPhone and put it in the dock and set it to The Scorpion, by Megadeth. The guitar played then the lyrics came in:

_My life, is everything  
>That feeds my thirst, that causes sin<br>My wants, are all I care  
>No shame and guilt, there's nothing there<em>

While that was playing, I took out an old Lover Boy CD and played Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend:

_Everybody's watchin, to see what you can do  
>Everybody's lookin, at you<br>Everybody's wonderin, will you come out to-night?  
>Everybody's trying, to get it right, (get it right)<em>

The final song was a cassette tape of Dirty Diana, by Michael Jackson. I went through my closet to find an old cassette radio, when I did, I put the tape in and played it:

_You never make me stay  
>So take your weight off of me<br>I know your every move  
>So why don't you just let me be?<em>

Even with all three playing, I heard two cars drive up in the driveway. "That must be them. Only one way outta this," I said to myself. I walked to my sock drawer with tears welling up in my eyes to get what I need- two razor blades.

(A/N: Okay, this next paragraph is somewhat graphic. NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH! I was nauseous just writing it *_*)

With the blades, I held both of them to my wrists. I bit my lip and slit my wrists. The jagged blades kept going over the same areas where later in life would leave permanent scars. My tears falling onto were I was cutting made the pain worse and I released an agonizing cry.

I stopped when I heard something break in the living room. The cops got in. Damn Mr. Farley.

"Enough's enough Jerichon, come out NOW!" one cop said.

Another cop ordered the men to scatter. In that order, the sound of running feet was heard throughout the house. A thump was heard in the hallway, someone must've tripped over the electrical wire, Uncle Phil never called an electrician, he did any job he considered "manly" himself. Big mistake.

When the guy tripped, he caused all the music players in my room to crank at full blast. The three players reverberated sound all in my room. I screamed in pain and covered my ears to keep them from bleeding. It caused my TV to spark like crazy. Then the music finally died. What a HUGE relief.

My attention turned from the music to my TV. The sparking still continued but Regular Show stopped and the screen turned dark purple. I stared at it for a few seconds before a hand shot through my wooden door. It made me jump and surprised me when he proceeded unlocking it.

"Come out come out Alina. No use running, come on and face your incarceration like a big girl," that cop said.

That made me fuming mad; he wouldn't get away talking to me like that. I grabbed my new pocket knife and walked over to the door.

"Come on this, you f***in' jerkdish!" I stabbed his hand, and it made a deep wound. He quickly retreated like a smart guy should.

"Oh ho, you shouldn't have done that, now we have the authority to shootcha!" that cop chuckled, followed by a screaming episode of curse words even I'm not allowed to repeat.

'Crap,' I thought. The cops finally unlocked my door and proceeded to knock over my bed that was blocking them. I walked backwards a few steps scared before tripping over some clothes and landing on my remote.

I stood up and saw my TV emit a black hole sucking in a couple of things. I felt the force pull me in, so I grabbed the edge of my vanity.

The bed finally got kicked over and the four cops stared to come in. It caught me by surprise and I let go of the vanity, my legs got sucked in. The last thing I grabbed was my backpack and my dad's lucky White Sox hat. The cops opened fire at me with one bullet grazing my cheek before I got completely pulled in.

It looked as if I was going through a wormhole at lightning fast speed. Around me was blackness mixed with magenta and the stars. I heard a voice, but it was talking so fast, it was uncomprehendable. As it was talking, my entire body started to ache within the instant.

Then another vortex opened up, but it was white. And by the looks of it, I was coming in fast.

**The Park**

Mordecai's POV

It seemed like any other regular day at my job. My bro Rigby and I were cleaning the windows, with our boss Benson yelling at us. "- and you two slackers better stop goofing off, OR YOUR FIRED!" then he'd walk away in a huff.

Seeing how boring cleaning the windows was, I decided to have some fun. I went over to Rigby and squirted him with my spray bottle. He freaked out completely.

"Aah! Dude, what the H?" yelled Rigby.

"Fear me, for I am the samurai warrior, Mordetomo. You cannot destroy me!" He got a confused look but then played along.

"You cannot destroy me! For I am the ninja master, Rigamoto." Rigby jumped up on the bannister speaking out of sync.

"Dooyaahhh!"

"Hyyaaahh!"

The epic war began. It continued for about five minutes until I got Rigby in the eye, the he fell into the bushes. I ran down the stairs and called for him.

"Rigby, you okay dude?"

"No freakin' way," he said.

"What, what is it?"

"AWESOME!"

"Dude, what are you talking about?" I crawled into the bushes to find Rigby with something wadded in his hand. "Dude, check it, _frilly things_," he held out a pair of black and white stripped, pink hemmed panties.

"Rigby, no dude. Put that thing in the trash and go boil your hands. That's jus"- My eyes caught on a matching bra next to me. "Cooool," we both said. We went out of the bushes and saw stuff coming out of the sky. We grabbed everything in sight. We got a portable game system, some snacks, a couple of chargers, & other stuff.

"Owwww!" a backpack fell on Rigby's head and knocked him to the ground.

"Hmph, hmph, serves you right for starting this." I said. Rigby opened his eyes and stared at something. "MORDECAI, LOOK OUT!" He pointed to a vortex in the sky which shot out a large object, coming for us. "Take cover!" I yelled. We both ducked and the object came right at us. Sent us away a couple of feet. When dust cleared, we stood up. "Rigby, let's go check it out."

Alina's POV

I hit the ground the earth hard. My body pain was gone, but know my head was throbbing cuz I think I hit a rock. My vision became fuzzy so I eyes cracked open a little. I heard voices, very familiar voices.

"Dude, I hope the person's alive," one voice said.

"Well, let's see if the dude's alright," another one said.

"Oh my God, it's a girl." I felt two hands turn me over and lift me up. I felt a warm liquid seep out of my head. I moaned because it hurt.

"Holy crap she's bleeding! Rigby, get me that bandanna." Wait, blood? I felt another pair of hands shake me.

"Hey, chick. Wake up! Yoo-hoo, don't die!" I eyes shot open, even though my vision was messed up, I recognized the figures. They looked exactly like Mordecai and Rigby. "W-where am I?" I asked, which was probably a dumb question. "You're in the town park, you took a wicked spill." My vision fully cleared up. I saw Mordecai and Rigby right in front of me!

"Holy freakin' crap," I said. Rigby walked up to me. "I was about to say the same thing, were did you come from?"

"Somewhere other than here," I respond. I tried standing up, but I needed help from Mordecai. He stopped me for a second. "Hold on, lemme fix your bandanna."

"Thanks." I said.

"Mordecai, my name's Mordecai. That grump over there is Rigby." He said.

"HEY!" I had to laugh at that, but then something else came outta the vortex. It looked like raisins. "Aw, sweet more food!" said the raccoon holding his mouth open. I got a better look, my eyes widened and I pushed both the boys down. "Get down and look out!" We got down and the "raisins" surrounded us.

"Coooool," they both went. I gave them the death glare. "THEY WERE BULLETS, YOU IDIOTS! They could've killed you if it wasn't for me." 'Then again, the bullets came for _me,_ so I saved them from my doom,' I thought.

"Look, I appreciate what you did, uh,"

"Alina." I cut in.

"Yeah, Alina. But could you, uh, you know," I looked down and saw I was sitting on Mordecai's chest. I felt my face flush pink when I got off Mordecai and helped him up.

"We probably should get back to the house and straighten things out." Said Mordecai.

"Yeah, lets." I grabbed my backpack and walked back with the two.

"But Mordecaaaiiii? We were supposed to play Strong Johns when we got back." Rigby whined.

"Later dude, we have to take care of Alina first." Mordecai helped me limp back.

"NO FAIR!"

"Man, you're so freakin' annoying," I said. He's actually more annoying in person.

"Who died and made you the feline queen?" said Rigby. What did he mean?

"What do you mean by 'feline' Rigby?" I asked.

"Ugggh. Are you blind or smoking something?" He pulled out a mirror from my backpack and held it up. I was completely shocked.

**I WAS AN ADULT CAT!**

My ears moved up to the top of my head, I had a tail, my breasts were bigger, I had fur. FUR. I looked 22.

"Mordecai, I think I'm losing more blood." I was extremely woozy and I think I passed out on his shoulder. The last I remember was being carried back to the house with Mordecai saying, "Oh, crap not again!"

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><p><strong>Anyone else notice how many parentheses I used back in June? XD<strong>

**I'm just going back through a couple of chapters and revising them is all. BUH-BYE NOW!**

**Sorry for the long wait. I hope you like it. :D So funny, Alina passed out AGAIN! Poor girl.**


	2. Time to Straighten Things Out

Chapter Two: Time to Straighten Things Out

**Sorry it took so long to update. The tiny Benson in my head told me to make a new chapter right now, or I was fired. O_o I don't own Regular Show, the awesome and sexy JG Quintel does. Anyway, I'm a freshman now and I finally got meh schedule memorized. So… here's Chapter Two!**

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><p>"Mordecai… Mordecai! I think you can put me down now." Apparently, Mordecai carried me back to the house- bridal style!<p>

"Oh! Uh, sorry. Guess i should put you down now." He gently put me down and the three of us walked up the stairs and inside.

When the door was opened, I was in awestruck. I was actually in the house. The walls had a bunch of pictures of the lollipop man, Pops. (Heh-heh, somewhat irony XD)

The living room had a small, vintage TV, a white couch, and a coffee table with a video game console, box of pizza, and a couple of adult magazines. (boys, go fig. -_-)

"Nice digs," I said calmly.  
>"Meh, it's nothing much, but its home." Rigby said carelessly. I liked around the living room some more, but that was it. Not much décor, unless you count the endless pictures of Pops.<p>

I looked at Mordecai and Rigby. They both had something wadded in their hands.

"Um, whadda you two have there?" I asked. They both just stammered for a minute and turned bright red when they looked at me. Some of the item slipped out of Rigby's hand, it revealed the black and white stripped fabric. I recognized that pattern.

"Gimme those before I tear your heads off!" I snatched the "unmentionables" outta their hands and shoved them into my backpack, there's nothing more embarrassing than a guy holding your intimates. I opened my backpack, but it was already full with stuff from my room. It had my DSi, game and phone charger, all my games, six pack of Mtn. Dew (loves meh Der!), etcetera.

"Yeah, we saw all that coming out of the vortex earlier, and when the backpack came, we put everything in there." Mordecai rubbed the back of his neck nervously. I looked at the side of my backpack; there was an imprint of Rigby doing his "shark face" thing.

"Why is there Rigby's facepr-"  
>"SHUT UUUUUPPPP!" Damn, Rigby's so <em>sensitive<em>.  
>"Geez, anyway, where do you guys want me to put this stuff?" I asked.<p>

"Just leave it there 'till later. We should probably head up to the bathroom, there's a first-aid kit up there," Mordecai answered. I dropped my backpack and we walked up the stairs.  
>"Now, are you sure you're not gonna faint? Again?"<br>"Mordecai, trust me. I'm positive about it."  
>"You're positive about, what?" That voice made a chill go up my spine. I looked up and Benson was standing right in front of me. I felt my knees weaken again.<p>

"On second thought, I'm getting lightheaded."  
>"OHH NO! Last time you fell on me!" Rigby yelled.<br>"What are you two slackers doing inside? You're supposed to be CLEANING THE WINDOWS!" Benson yelled turning red.

"Look, Benson. We were working. But, we saw Alina hurt. So Rigby and I had to help her."  
>"Alina?" Benson looked right at me. His eyes scanning my dirt and blood covered body. "So, I'm guessing that you're their lady friend." I nodded my head yes.<p>

"Look, seeing as how it is, I'll let you three carry on. But for you two  
>clowns"-<br>"Before you yell at them. I'll do the windows, with it kind of being my fault anyway. So, no need to get your crank in a jam." I walked past him and went up the stairs.  
>"Oooooooohhhh! You just got told, Benson!" I heard Rigby yell.<p>

* * *

><p><span>The bathroom<span>

"Alina, this is gonna sting, so grit your teeth." Mordecai took a cotton ball and soaked it in alcohol.  
>"Mordecai, I'm no pansy. I'm pretty sure- OH MY GOD THAT STINGS!" It was as bad as pouring holy water on a demon.<br>"Hmph, hmph. Told you," said the blue jay.

We've been in here for 15 minutes, and I was bored out of my mind. "Auuggghh! How much longerrrr?" I complained. No one answered. Rigby looked bored out of his mind too. His eyed widened as if he got an idea. "I got it!" He ran to the counter and grabbed the bottle of alcohol. He poured it all over where my wounds were. I screamed and started freaking out 'cause it hurt so much!

DUDE! What the crap is wrong with you?" Mordecai yelled. Rigby just shrugged his shoulders. "I figured it would speed up the process." I got angry, so I punched Rigby in the shoulder. Which sent him right into the wall. He moaned real loud in pain. Rigby got up, holding his shoulder and left the room whimpering.

Mordecai took some gauze and wrapped it around my head. "Ok, I'm almost done. Wait, there's something in your hair." He pulled something out that was small and metallic. Mordecai gasped. "It's a bullet, with blood on it." He looked at my cheek, which had a small cut on it.

'That's where the bullet grazed me. Must've got caught in my hair.' I thought in my head. Mordecai touched my face where the cut was, his hands were really soft. Then again, he has feathers. He withdrew his hand and gave me a serious look. "What were you evening doing that caused this?"

'Crap.' I thought. 'What was I supposed to tell him? 'Oh, I'm actually a teenage human from another universe stuck in a children's TV show?'

"Let's just say I'm a fugitive from Hillbilly Hell."

"Hmph, works for me. Anyway, you're patched up." My head had the gauze on it; my wrists were wrapped up in gauze, two large band aids on my legs, and one on my face.

"Thanks Mordecai." I walked to the door, but he stops me. "Just one more thing, how'd you get those cuts on your wrists?" 'Was this a game of twenty questions?' I thought.

"I've …gotten into some trouble. My life is complicated, I couldn't take it anymore." I flinched at the memory from earlier. "Don't, ever try and kill and yourself. Suicide is never the option. You know, there are other ways to get help." Mordecai said sternly. He put his hand on my shoulder.

"I know, I was in a bad situation at the time. I don't know what came over me."

"Well, what matters is you're safe now. Nothing will happen while you're here." Mordecai's expression softened up and he smiled. I smiled back. "I'm gonna play String Johns with Rigby. By the way, I appreciate what you're doing for us." Mordecai took his hand off of me.

"No prob. Anyway, better get started on those windows before Benson gets pissed." Mordecai and I left the bathroom and walked down the stairs.

One hour later

Auughh! My arm was killing me. I stretched it out a couple of times, but it still hurt. Who knew doing 15 windows could do that to someone? (A/N: Just to let my fans know, I only guessed the number of windows.)

I walked in the house, and sure enough, Mordecai and Rigby were still playing String Johns. Mordecai stood up and did a victory dance.

"Oooooooooooooooooohhhhh! I win aga-ain, I win aga-ain.!"  
>"Hmph, hmph. I beat you in the next level," said Rigby.<p>

"Yeah right dude, you're never gonna beat me at video games." Mordecai said while still doing his victory, which was pretty bad. "Dude, you're dancing like MC Hammer with Tourette's." I said.

Mordecai got startled and turned around. "WOAH! Alina, didn't see you there." Mordecai said nervously. "So wutcha doin?"

"Well, I was going up stairs to take a shower, but I need pajamas. So, do you have like a T-shirt or something?" I asked.

"Yeah, I think there's an old Fist Pump T-shirt up in my room. I'll go get it for you."

"Thanks, I should be done in about ten minutes, so just leave the shirt by the door." I went to my backpack to get the bra and panties from earlier, but then I noticed something- I was still wearing my socks and shoes. They didn't feel right so I took them off.

I gasped a little when I saw my feet, they were cat feet. I lifted one foot up to examine it. It looked like any other cat's foot; furry, that puffy skin on the toes, which by the way I have three. 'Great, another cartoon characteristic. What's next, the white gloves?' I muttered to myself.

I then went upstairs with my things to the bathroom. When I got there, I locked the door and undressed to examine my new body.

Well… for one thing, my breasts were definitely bigger (about a size C. So long A-cup :D.) I've grown an inch taller, and all my baby fat was gone. I ran to the mirror to see my face. I had a pink nose and whiskers, my ears were at the top of my head (with my piercings intact.) From my eyes to up top was light brown, & below my eyes to the bottom was white (It looks like this (/\) .) My wrists, feet, and belly are white too. My arms, legs, and back were light brown, and my tail was / stripped, which, by the way was drooping because I didn't know how to use it yet.

AND, to top it all off, meh braces were gone! :D I smiled and saw that instead were sharp teeth. "Sweeeeeet!"

It dawned on me why I came in here, so I went in the shower and turned on the water. It felt good against my fur covered body after a long day.

I looked for shampoo, but all that was there was two bottles of Hammer and Young Zest shampoo & conditioner. I frowned.

"Great, nothin' better than smelling like a dude with parody brands."  
>I went with "Hammer" figuring since Axe has an awesome smell, Hammer would be the same.<p>

Five minutes later

After five minutes of scrubbing since I have hair all over my body, I got out and dried off. It took a while because of all the fur.

I put on the bra and panties and peaked outside the door. Sure enough, the T-shirt was there. I picked it up and read it.

"Fist Pump, Jail Tour, 1998. Hmph, it's no Megadeth, but it'll do." I shrugged my shoulders and put it on. The shirt was kinda long, but also kinda short. Going two inches past my butt, which was awkward with all the guys in the house.

"Oh! M'lady. I did not see you there." I didn't even notice the lollipop man standing in front of me. "I apologize if you're not decent," said Pops. He was looking away and blushing a stop sign color.

"Nah, it's totally fine. I'm Alina." I held out my hand and he shook it quite hard. 'For an old man, he has a good grip.' I thought to myself.

"My name is Pops. You must be the feline girl Mordecai and Rigby were talking about." Pops said excitedly.

I wondered what exactly they were talking about. Pops reached into his pocket and pulled something out. "Butterscotch Ripple?" he holds out a lollipop. I didn't wanna be rude, so I took it and said thanks.

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Loud footsteps were coming up the stairs. Mordecai and Rigby ran by and dashed into their rooms.

"HA! At least I can beat you at running!" yelled Rigby.  
>"At least I have my high school diploma," replied Mordecai.<p>

I walked into the bedroom and saw them arguing.  
>"What does that have to do with anything?" Rigby threw his arms and nose in the air. Mordecai sat on his bed and pondered that question for a minute.<p>

"Lemme guess, it's cuz that's the number one thing you get to hold over Rigby." I blurted out, and I thought he didn't even get past third grade.

The boys looked up and started staring at me, mainly because I didn't have pants on.

Rigby just jumped onto his trampoline after two seconds. Mordecai was locked into a trance, and I think he was drooling.

I face palmed, then walked over to the avian to snap him out of his trance. I shook him a bit, which surely did the trick.

"Uh, Alina. Y-you're a l-little, um, not covered up." Mordecai turned bright red. I looked down at my exposed legs, I didn't even really care. I mean, pretty much everyone else walks around stark naked.

"Yes, but you and everyone else seems to walk around without a stitch of clothing." I pointed out.

"Hmph, hmph. True, but anyway, I'm changing the subject. You're gonna have to spend the night here. Benson's totally all right with it. He also said he might consider getting you a job at the park. Since, you know, you did an awesome job with the windows."

My excitement filled up so much, I thought I was gonna explode. Me, workin' at The Park! I could've done the Carlton I was so happy, but I tried to keep my cool.

"Soooo, where do I sleep?" Mordecai patted on the bed. My heart stopped there. There was NO WAY that I was sleeping with someone. I tend to move around in my sleep a lot. Most of the time I'd kick someone or wake up lying on top of them.

"No, I couldn't. I'll just take the floor."  
>"I'm totally fine with it. I'll take the floor." Replied Mordecai.<br>"It's fine, really. Just take your bed and I'll take the floor."  
>"I don't wanna be rude. Besides, it's not right to have a girl sleep on the floor."<p>

30 minutes later

"Auuggghhh! You win, I'll take the bed. But you're on the bed too." I hung my head in defeat.

"Finally! Now I can get some freakin' shuteye!" yelled Rigby from his trampoline.

Mordecai and I both got under the covers, the bed was really soft and warm. I was about to fall asleep when I said my last few words before slumbering.

"But if you pull any crap, I'll send you flying into the wall like I did with Rigby."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I'm not like that, night." Mordecai said drowsily.  
>"Night." I closed my eyes and went to sleep.<p>

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><p><strong>Well, how do ya like it? Again, sorry it took a while. I don't own Regular Show. If I did, Alina would be a real character :D My boyfriend wants me to add his OC, but I will in the sequel. <strong>_**IceCat19 bids you sayonara!**_


	3. The New Employee

Chapter Three: The New Employee

**I know I don't update as much as I should. Mainly because of school and all that s**t. Once I get a Deviant Art account, I'll post awesome drawings I have from Regular Teen: D**

**Anyway, here's CHAPTAH FWEE!**

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><p><span>5:30 am<span>

Everything I saw was black. I tried moving my arms and legs, but I couldn't feel them. With one jolt of my head, I flung my neck back and finally awoke. My eyelids fluttered a bit to get wide awake. I sat straight up.

"God, that was one crazy dream," I said. "It was all…" I looked to my left to see Mordecai the blue jay sleeping to the left of me, "… so, real to me."

I ran my fingers through my hair; my ears were still at the top of my head. The gauze was still at the back of my head from yesterday as well. I didn't feel tired anymore, so I stretched out and tried to get outta bed.

Something grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back to the lying down position. I tried to get back up, but I kept getting pulled back. I looked down where the force was coming from—a long, blue arm was the force that held me ever so tight.

"EEEEP!" It was Mordecai that was holding me.

I felt my heart beat faster than a metronome. I wriggled out of his grasp, but Mordecai moved his arm and pulled me to his chest. I could feel my face and ears burning from extreme blushing.

"Mmmhh.." Mordecai let out a small moan; I felt his warm breath against my neck when he moaned. I felt his heart beat against my back. It was like a rabbit thumping its foot, but getting faster.

I gave up. "Ah, f**k. There's no way I'm escaping, plus I'm too paranoid and relaxed at the same time." I closed my eyes and went back to Dreamland.

9:30 am

*Flash* *Flash* A camera went off. I flung my eyes open. Mordecai finally let go of me, I sat straight up and stretched (AGAIN!).

When I got outta bed, I must've woken up Mordecai because he turned over and yawned. Rigby on the other hand, was standing by his trampoline holding an old Polaroid.

"Mornin' Rigby," I said while cracking my neck.

"H-hey... pfft… Alina.. pffft." Rigby tried to hold in some laughter.

~Ding~ a photo came out of the Polaroid. Rigby took it out and bursted out laughing. He looked at me while trying to blink back tears.

"S-so, h-h-how'd you sleep?" The raccoon snickered.

"Um, fine. I guess….. What do you mean?" I asked.

Rigby held up the photo to where I could see it. I focused in on the image and nearly died of shock.

3rd Person POV

Alina's face turned stop sign red when she saw the photo of her and Mordecai cuddling. The blue avian's arm was wrapped around the brown feline's waist. Her arm was over his; one hand holding the others with their fingers interlocking. Mordecai's beak nestled right on Alina's shoulder; it appeared as though the two were smiling.

Alina wasn't amused. "Rigby…give me….that photo. NOW!" The small raccoon didn't seem afraid. He held the photo behind his back.

"Tch, as if. This is a keeper right here!" He waved the photo back and forth. "W-w-wait, how do the names "Alen" and "Mora" sound to you?" Rigby giggled out.

He struck the nerve right there. Alina clenched her fists and stomped over to Rigby until they were about 1cm apart. Her pupils grew until they completely covered the white of her eyes, and she growled low.

"**I gave you… a warning. Now get ready… 'cause I'm GONNA RIP OFF YOUR FACE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR LITTLE ASS!" **She bared her teeth and cracked her knuckles.

Rigby gulped and started shaking. He stammered gibberish and sweat trickled down his neck. He put the picture in his mouth and ran out on all fours.

"GET BACK HERE RIG-BITCH!" Alina pursued Rigby out of the bedroom and down the stairs into the living room.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile with our blue bird friend, he was half asleep. He drowsily opened his eyes when he heard the sound of something breaking. Mordecai sat up and stretched; not minding a few ruffled feathers here and there.<p>

"All right Alina, time to wake up." He ran his right hand over to where a sleeping cat used to be. Mordecai looked over, but only saw a bed imprint of a sleeping figure.

"Huh. Must've gotten an early start, oh well. Yo Rigby! Get up!" He threw his pillow to the pile of clothes on the trampoline, but nothing made a sound or anything.

_'Now that's just weird,' _Mordecai thought to himself.

The sound of people running came from downstairs.

"Gimme that back!"

"Not on your life!"

Mordecai stood up and walked out of the bedroom. "I swear, Benson's gonna be pissed if those two actually broke something."

Downstairs, the two mammals were in the kitchen fighting.

"Gimmeeee!" Rigby whined. He kept jumping up with his arms extended.

"Nope!" Alina replied. She held the photo just above her head. "No one's ever going to see it again."

"Hmph, hmph. We'll see about that!" Rigby jumped on Alina and tackled her to the ground. They wrestled like little kids on a playground after a kid got called a 'doody-head'. After two minutes, Rigby sat on top of Alina's head. "If you don't give me the key to blackmail, I'm gonna fart on you!"

"You wouldn't dare. Even if you did, I wouldn't care because you should see my Uncle Phil after a Taco Bell binge."

"Then I guess we'll see about that." Rigby squeezed his, um, cheek muscles to get out a fart. Alina grabbed Rigby's tail and yanked him off of her. She stood up and pulled the raccoon up with her.

"Erngh.. ughh… LET ME GO!" He was struggling to be set free.

"Pshh, not after what you did," said Alina.

"Do you even realize how annoying you are?" replied Rigby.

"Not as much as you! Always whining and complaining like the little brat you are."

"At least I'm not making goo-goo eyes at Mordecai."

"SHUT UUUUPP!"

"Hmph, hmph. Hmp hmp hmp."

Mordecai walked into the kitchen shortly afterward. "Morning guys. Wait… what are you two doing?"

The mammals stopped arguing and looked at Mordecai. Alina dropped Rigby on the floor and shoved the photo in her mouth.

Mum, mothihn. Just jehhing alonk." Alina replied. She grabbed a glass of water and chugged it down to make sure the photo would go.

Mordecai and Rigby awkwardly stared at her.

Pops walked into the kitchen wearing a white nightgown, a night hat, and blue fuzzy slippers with bunny faces on the front. "Good morrow to all!" He waved to the trio.

"Hey Pops," they all said.

Pops pulled out some folded clothes from behind him. "Alina, I took the liberty of washing your garments and folding them." He handed the clothes to her.

"Thanks Pops," she replied. Alina stared at the clothes because they were folded into individual hearts. _'Hmph. Just like mom used to after Nina the maid would wash and dry them,' _she thought to herself.

"I must be on my way, Ta-ta!" Pops left the room waving bye.

Mordecai broke the awkward silence that lingered. "Anyway… who wants breakfast?"

* * *

><p>Mordecai and Rigby opened up the fridge and pantry.<p>

"Mmiiillk"

"Ccereaalll."

"Combiiiiinnnne!" The two poured the three bowls of cereal. Alina couldn't be more amused. _'Wow! I actually witnessed one of their mannerisms and from the pilot as well!' _Alina thought to herself.

She grabbed a bowl of Sugar Frosted Sugar Bombs and a spoon and ate quietly. Alina was too busy thinking to talk. _'To think, yesterday I was living with an alcoholic lard ass piece of nothing called my mom's older brother, today I'm a two-dimensional cartoon eating breakfast with two of my favorite cartoon characters. It's like a dream, but it's so real. Speaking of real, I wonder if someone can drop a safe on me and I'll flatten like an accordion?' _

16 minutes later

Alina was dressed in her newly washed clothes and watched TV on the couch. She was watching some Dr. Phil parody about fat people talking about her feelings.

Alina chuckled. "Heh-heh, Dr. Neil you've outdone yourself once again."

Mordecai and Rigby walked in and sat on the couch. Mordecai was groaning. "Ugh! I hate this show, you mind if we changed it?" He asked.

"Sure, it's a re-run anyway." Alina picked up a Dig Champs game from the coffee table. "Wanna play this?" She held the game up.

Rigby looked surprised when she said this. "Wait, you actually like video games?"

"Yeah dude, they're awesome. And I mean games like old classics, shoot 'em ups, and RPGs. NOT any singing games or Justin Beiber or any crap like that."

"I don't know who the hell that beaver guy is, but you're awesome!"

Mordecai leaned over to Rigby. "Dude, I thought you didn't like Alina," he whispered.

"Yeah at first. But now I know she's like one of us—a dude, but with lady pecs!"

"So are you gonna quit messing with her?"

"Psh, no." Rigby gets punched in the shoulder by Mordecai. "OWWww!" He whined and rubbed his shoulder.

"Guys! Can we just play the game already?" Alina asked.

"Huh?" Mordecai turned around. "Oh, sure. The controls are simple: D-pad is for moving around, A's weapon attack, B's jump, C's punching, and there are combos you can learn later along with the L and R buttons. You got it?" Alina looked at the controller she picked up. "Uhhh, yeah! I think so, let's go!"

* * *

><p><span>20 minutes later<span>

Alina's POV

Hah! Stupid snails, thinking they could destroy me. I was on the 16th level shoveling my way through dirt. I could see Mordecai and Rigby outta the corner of my eye gaping at the TV.

"Dude, now you see why I think she's awesome," said Rigby.

"I can't see anything; I'm being mesmerized by awesomeness."

"Hmph, hmph. Just keep watching the awesomeness, boys," I said.

It was nice of Mordecai to let me be first player, but Rigby pitched a fit earlier about it. We told Rigby we'll take turns after I die first—but I haven't died yet!

I entered the boss' cave. The Worm King came out roaring, so I threw my best shots at it. I drop-kicked the Worm King and he lost ten HP.

The front door of the house opened and shut but I ignored it.

I destroyed the WK's body; all that was left was the head. My player swung its mighty shovel over and over again. Mordecai and Rigby were chanting loud while I was playing.

"GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! G—''the TV turned off, but I was still subconsciously pressing the controller buttons, I stopped after 5 seconds later when the realization came to me. "W-wha... what the heck happened?"

"It's time you stopped playing that infernal mindless trash." Benson was leaning with his arm against the top of the TV while he twirled the electrical cord.

Rigby stood up and did his "shark face". "What the H Benson? Alina was gonna beat the Worm King!"

"I don't care about a stupid 'Worm King' or anything, you and Mordecai WERE SUPPOSED TO START WORKING HALF AN HOUR AGO!" Benson's gumballs rattled in his head as he was turning red (A/N: LOL, that rhymes! :D 'head and 'red'. I'm such a poet). "Besides, Alina needs to come with me to my office."

"Come on Benson, ten more minutes is all we need. Pleeasssse?" said Mordecai.

The gumball machine dropped the electrical cord and crossed his arms. "No. Take Rigby outside and you idiots go clean the fountain, or you're fired!"

"…fine. Come on Rigby." The raccoon was sitting on the couch with a solid scowl. Mordecai knew he wouldn't go, so he grabbed Rigby by the tail and dragged him off the couch and out the front door.

Benson sighed. "Idiots, can't live with them. Hopefully you're not like one of them, Alina." Honestly, I have my moments, but I'm not really an idiot. I hoped he wouldn't consider me one. "Uh, no! I'm beyond idiocy!" That was stupid of me to say. I felt my cheeks pinken from the sudden flush of embarrassment.

"Heh-heh. No need to be embarrassed. I can see you're nervous." Benson chuckled. "It's fine. Just follow me to my office and will start the interview." He walked up the stairs and coaxed me to follow him, which I did. We went upstairs and down the hallway to a room at the end. Benson opened the door and we stepped inside.

Benson turned around. "Uh, do you realize you drag your tail around? A lot?" I looked at my tail- it was as limp as a corpse. I tried moving it with whatever I could do, but nothing.

"Unnghh…. come on stupid tail, MOVE! Ernghh…" I let out a few grunts of frustration. I could barely even feel it for God's sake! "Urnnnh—" "Uh, maybe you should give it a rest Alina, before you hurt yourself. You probably injured it when you did whatever."

I let out a breath of frustration. "Fine, I'm getting winded anyway. The feeling in my tail should come any minute now."

Benson looked at me weird. "Don't know why anyone would say it like that but okaaayyy… anyway, come in and sit."

His office was somewhat depressing; just an enlarged cubicle is what it looked like. Everything ranged in shades of gray; even I thought my complexion was losing color. The office had a desk, a few chairs, a bunch of cabinets, and a plant.

The only thing with color in Benson's office was two red chairs that sat opposite of his chair on the other side of the desk.

He pulled out a chair and offered me a seat.

"Ok, thanks." I sat down and put my hands in my pockets. Wait, there was something rectangular in one of them. I pulled out the object to see a stick of gum; Wrigley's Gum to be exact.

"Uhhh—"

"It was Pops. Every time he washes someone else's laundry, he always leaves something in the pockets. I've found a comb and a lollipop in one of shirt pockets before."

_'Didn't know he actually wore clothes, unless you count that Hawaiian shirt that Benson will wear,' _I thought to myself.

"Oh, well that's sweet of him. I should thank Pops later." I unwrapped the gum and put it in my mouth to chew.

Benson got up from his chair. "Hold on, we might as well take off that gauze."

I felt where it was; still attached to my head from that wound. "Oh yeah. You mind helping me taking it off?"

"Why do you think I'm getting up?"

"Oh…heh-heh, right." God I was acting stupid for some reason.

Benson walked behind me and carefully undid the gauze. "Dang, Mordecai got this on good. Hold on." He grunted trying to get medical tape off.

"….ow!"

"Well I'm sorry! I'm not exactly Madame Nimblefingers."

I chuckled. "He he he…. Nimblefingers."

"Oh shut up. I'm almost done anyway. Annnnnd…Viola!" He ripped the gauze off so gently I barely felt a thing. I felt the large cut on the back of my head; it kinda felt like a Q.

"Yup, that's gonna be there for a while. At least you've stopped bleeding." I put my hand down and Benson's hand took its place. He stroked that cut a few times and it didn't hurt. Then his hand trailed up a little right behind my ears.

"Uh… Benson what are you doing?"

"I just wanna try something."

He scratched that area right behind my ears. It felt sssssooooooo good! The sensation traveled all through my body, I had the urge to turn around and rub my face against the back of the chair— which I did. "Ohhhhhh, that feels nnniiiiiiiiice! But can you please stop? It's getting weird." I turned back around.

Benson took his metallic hand off me and went back to his seat and sat down. "Oh, sorry. I see people do that with cats and I wanted to see if it'd work with you."

"Heh, nice. At least I don't find that offensive. Weird, but not offensive."

He got nervous. "Again, sorry. In the meantime, we should probably start."

I continued chewing the Wrigley's gum while I drummed my fingers in an almost perfect synchronization on the edge of the chair. Benson flinched a little every time he heard me blow a bubble and it popped, he might've blocked it out later by taking out his clipboard and a pencil to start the interview. Then he looked up at me.

"Sooo… Alina. That's a nice name. It's very unique."

"Oh, thank you. At least it's better than the nicknames some people call me by."

Benson got a curiosity look. "Your name wouldn't happen be a derivation of Alice, would it?"

My heart skipped a beat. _'Oh my God! No one else knew or even guessed about that except my family.'_ I was surprised to see that he asked that. Everyone else assumed that my parents were vacationing in the Middle East when they were expecting me. After all, Alina is technically an Arabic name, but that wasn't the case.

"Yeah, it is. You're the first person to point that out. I'm respecting you already."

"Heh, don't get too ahead of yourself. Anyway, I want to know what qualifies you for this job. Like if you have any special skills and such."

I got butterflies in my stomach as I cleared my throat. "I'm pretty good with housework; indoor and outdoor. So I can do any cleaning, but when it comes to bathrooms, I might need a little help."

"Uh huh, go on."  
>"I have a strong immune system, so I have no problem with working in winter time, plus I love the winter anyway. I don't have any problems with following directions, but I have a tendency to ask a lot of questions, so sorry ahead of time if you get annoyed by me.<p>

"I'm also a pretty good artist. I can draw out any blueprints or make advertisements for any upcoming events, or if you need any doodles to make you laugh I can make those.

"I have one request though. I... don't do well when it comes to someone yelling at me. I know it's a childish request, but when I lived with my uncle, he was always abusive, verbally and physically; I usually just yelled back at him and stuff. So, metaphorically speaking, I don't wanna waste a bullet on you. Plus, I might cry, but that pretty much never happens."

Benson had sympathy in his eyes. "Wow, I don't know why someone would treat you like that. But since you're new, I'll go easy." He tried cracking a smile. Benson struggled like Wednesday Addams from Addams Family Values, or Lord Finis Everglot from Corpse Bride. But this time, he was actually trying because he wanted to show he cared.

"Really? That means a lot. Thanks Benson." I said.

"No problem. I wanna make sure that you'll be happy here. Now, tell me a little about yourself.

30 Minutes Later

The interview was almost over with. Benson wrote down some more notes on his clipboard. He nodded a few times at some of my answers, such as where I went to school, what are my best interests, etc. I honestly thought I just had to say I was a hard worker and I'd get hired on the spot.

Benson slammed down hid clipboard and over his desk. "You're hired!"

I nearly choked on my gum when he said that. "*cough* What? I'm hired, just like that?" I didn't even have to mention I was a hard worker, which I am."

"I know you're a hard worker. I could tell by how well the windows were cleaned, very thorough work. Aaannnddd…. I have a confession."

"Go ahead, it can't be that bad."

"You, were actually hired on the spot as soon as I saw the windows being cleaned. I just wanted to get to know you good."

"Oh… well that's fine." _'And not creepy at any means.'_

"Besides, I hope that your responsibility will rub off on Mordecai and Rigby."

"Well, we'll see about that one. Now, don't I have to sign any papers?"

Benson pondered for a minute. He tapped the pencil at his glass head. "Hhmm…. Oh yeah!" He flipped through the papers on his clipboard until he got to the end. "Ah ha! Here it is!" He handed me the clipboard and pencil. "You just print your name and write your signature on the bottom line of the page. When that's done, you'll officially be working for 75 bucks a week."

I wrote the first two letters of my name when I realized something. "Uh, Benson?"

"Hmm?"

"I just realized something. Can I have every Sunday off?"

"Why would I allow that?"

"Oh, you know. Religious reasons, I was raised Catholic and I need that day off."

"When it comes to that, of course I'll let that happen. We actually have another employee that falls under that category."

"Skips you mean?"

"Uhhhh, yeah. You met him yet?"

_'CRAP! I GOTTA SHUT UP!' _"Well, not exactly. I've heard Mordecai & Rigby talk about him." Ha! I lie yet again. They don't suspect a thing.

"Oh, ok."

I continued printing my name. E-R-I-C-H – "Now, about the fire ants," Benson interrupted.

"Right, I'm allergic to those. So I can't be involved in any fire ant hill removal, as long as I don't get bitten I'll be fine." I finished printing my name and went on to the signature. As I wrote the last name, I couldn't help but feel Benson staring at me as I blew another bubble with my gum. I heard his fingers tapping against the desk. I finished my signature as the bubble from the gum popped.

A small thump came from under the desk, it sounded like a mixture of a metallic and wooden thump; I ignored it thinking it was a mouse. "Here ya go." I handed the clipboard and pencil back to Benson. He was sweating a little and he was wide-eyed. "Uhh…. t-thanks." He put the items down on the desk and led me to the door.

He shook my hand. "Congrats, you now work for the town park. Since it's Friday, I'll let you have the rest of the week off and you can start Monday. Sound good?"

I pulled Benson into a hug, which is rare because I rarely show affection with other people. "Thank you Benson, thank you thank you thank you! And taking the weekend off is fine with me… huh?" I looked down and saw Benson's…. uh, flap open. We both backed up and blushed.

"Uhh…. this is awkward. I should go back to my desk," said Benson.

I smiled wryly. "Ehh, yeah! I should, GO OUTSIDE! Yep, I'll just go out." I walked out the door but then popped my head back in. "OH! Thanks Benson, for the job." I went back out leaving Benson rubbing the back of his neck and still blushing. I ran to Mordecai and Rigby's room to grab my iPhone. I ran out of there, then down the stairs to the living room. My backpack was still there, so I went through it and grabbed all the money from home. Then grabbed a small wallet attached to the side of my backpack and shoved the money in there. Then I crammed the whole thing into my back pocket and ran to the outside.

I strangely felt like running that day for some reason, I didn't even care that I was dragging my tail around, I barely felt it anyway.

The blue jay and his fuzzy raccoon friend were pulling up to the house in a golf cart as I was filled with excitement. They stopped in front of the garage, so I ran up to them.

I was so happy imitated one of the duo's mannerisms. "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! GOT MEH FIRST JOOOOOOB!" They also went "OOOOOOOHHHH!" as I did.

"That's awesome Alina," said Mordecai. Rigby had his arms crossed. "Well, I guess it's awesome that you're our new co-worker."

I bent down to him. "You bet it's awesome. Cuz I'm treating you two to a day out on the town."

"Sounds cool, but do you even have money?" Asked Mordecai.

"You bet." I took out my wallet and showed the money. "About 2000 Big American Bauffos worth of it!" (A/N: I got the Big American Bauffos part off of Matilda, for anything that doesn't know what that means)

Mordecai was shocked. "DUDE! Where did you get this?"

"I've had it around my house. Mainly my uncle's, but no harm no foul. Some of it technically ain't his, but oh well."

Rigby grabbed one of the $50 bills. "I like this one. It's all fancy and stuff, and it has this Davis guy on there." Then he grabbed a 20. "Ooooohh! I like this one better. It has a white building and has 'Rich' written all over it!" I swear, that guy is like a five-year-old at a Toys-R-Us. "You do realize that they're not trading cards, right?" I said.

Mordecai grabbed the two bills. "No dude, it says 'Richmond' on it. Here Alina." He handed the money back to me.

"Psh, I said that on purpose to test you," replied Rigby.

"Yeah, to test us on how dumb you are."

"STOP TALKIIINNNG!"

After Rigby's little hissy fit, we went into the golf cart. I got to sit shotgun, but Rigby started his tiff again, so I gave him some money to look at to shut him up. Mordecai started the golf cart and we drove around in The Park. He glanced at the legal tender that Rigby was looking at, he stopped the cart and looked at the money as well. "Hmm…. Davis, Lincoln, Stephen, Franklin, some other Jackson. I've never seen some of these bills before."

"A bunch of people I know use this, and my uncle said he'd kick my ass if he ever saw me take any of it."

"Ah, must be newly issued. Anyway, where will you treat us first?"

I thought about it for a second, then I thought of an obvious place. I pointed my finger up in the air. "A popular furniture outlet! Since I'll be staying here for a while, I'll need stuff anyway. And you guys need some awesome chairs and a few band posters to spruce up the room."

"Can one of them be Solid Bold?" pleaded the raccoon.

"Sure, whoever the H that is. Now, LET THE MOST AWESOME DAY EVER, BEGIN!"

Mordecai did a 360 turn with the cart and we drove outta the park. "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

* * *

><p><strong>I FINALLY have the dang chapter done! <strong>

**Disclaimer: Regular Show belongs to the smexy JG Quintel, Alina belongs to me.**

**This is IceCat 19 bidding you sayonara! :D**


	4. Awkward Introductory

Chapter Four: Awkward Introductory**  
><strong>

**HAYLO! For now, I'm kinda grounded, so I won't be able to respond to some of my replies :( But in the meantime, I figured might as well post this chapter up right now… Anyway… I wanna thank bg52598 for being an awesome friend and author!  
>Regular Show belongs to JG Quintel, 'cept for Alina, SHE'S MIIINNE!<br>**

**Alex Griffin belongs to bg52598**

* * *

><p>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOME OF THIS FREAKIN' MONEY IS NO GOOD?" I yelled when we were at the check-out counter in Coolio's Outlet. "Money—is—money!"<p>

"Ma'am look, there hasn't been a 100 dollar bill with Lucy Pickens on it since, like a really long time. Bout over a hundred years ago," The annoyingly cracking voice teenager said. He was really trying my patience, especially with his black poofy hair making a swishy noise every time he talked. "I can assure you that the $1,150 in your possession is practically worthless."

"And I can assure you that your mommy's still a virgin ain't she, you peckerwood! The money that I have is legal tender, a bunch of people that I know use it."

"DON'T TALK BOUT MY MAMA! And you must be a damn hillbilly to believe in that crock."

I clenched my fists as I heard a tea-kettle whistle grow with my anger. **"Mordecai, Rigby…back me up…"**

Mordecai walked over to the counter and slammed his fist down on the counter. "Look dude, I don't know if playing your little 'Magick and Monsters' game has damaged your brain cells, but Alina is totally right!"

"Oh really? Then explain why some of the money has either trains or women on it, and that some of it are in different colors?"

Rigby was jumping up and down trying to reach the counter like a little kid. "Cuz some—people thought it—looks awe—some that—way!"

The nerdy cashier scrunched his eyebrows and sighed in frustration. "I've tried being nice…. But if you redneck yahoos don't use the real money that you have, I'm calling security."

Damn cashier struck the last nerve. Rigby's eyes went bloodshot as I felt my pupils dilate once more. **"REDNECKS?"** We both yelled. **"I'LL KILL YOU!"**

We pounced on him. My claws came out more and more when I started clawing the guy repeatedly while Rigby bit him with his sharp and now foamy teeth. The cashier shrieked every time we cut into his skin. Dust and clumps of black hair flew everywhere. I happened to switch out from scratching to biting to punching, while Rigby mainly focused on the nerd's head by biting and tearing; occasionally eye poking and pinching.

We all heard someone yell during the brawl. "Time out! Time out!" Rigby and I slowly got pulled off of the bruised and cowering nerdy cashier. "TIIIIIMMMEE OOOUUUUT!" Mordecai pulled the both of us off. He held me by the back of my shirt collar and Rigby by the tail. "YOU TWO GIVE IT A FRIGGIN' REST ALREADY! It's just a mattress and sheets, a few chairs, **& TWO SMALL POSTERS!"**

…I never saw Mordecai this pissed off before. Not even on TV.. I was later put down so I could at least pay for a few things. I walked back to the now bald man and paid him $210.50. "We'll just get the mattress and two posters." My anger went down but I was still pretty pissed. "Here's some UNION money you think is legal, you little prick." I threw the money at the nerd and walked away with Mordecai and Rigby right behind me with a twin-sized mattress and a Megadeth & Solid Bold poster.

The three of us walked out with the nerdy cashier saying one more thing. "YOU YAHOOS AND YOUR CONFEDERATE MONEY BETTER NOT COME HERE AGAIN!"

* * *

><p>We hooked the mattress on the cart and put the posters in the back seat. "AUUGH! What does Napoleon Dynamite know bout 'confederate' crap or whatever?" Rigby yelled as he kicked a front wheel of the golf cart.<p>

I took out one of the bills from my wallet and examined it. "It doesn't make any sense. It's old so it must actually be more valuable. Has a building, old guy…" I also saw the watermark, currency number, slaves, year it was—WAIT…WHAT?"Ok…it's Confederate money with a train, slaves, another ol—WAIT, SLAVES? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

Mordecai and Rigby turned around. "Alina why are you freaking out?" the blue jay asked. I handed two dollars to them and they looked at the currency.

"I see slaves and Confederate Sta…Ohhh—Wait, THIS IS RACIST!" Rigby finally understood, but Mordecai unsettlingly yelled when he interrupted his fuzzy raccoon friend."What the crap's wrong with the people you know?" Mordecai yelled again.(A/N: For any southerners, especially Alabamians, don't take this next explanation offensive. I'm just using some information that I already know, so please don't get mad or anything.)

"It's the fact that they're Southerners. I used to live in a part of southwestern Alabama, NOT SAYING THAT I'M A SOUTHERNER, I'm mainly Northern, but long story. Anyway, in my town, some people still used this so called Confederate Money. Mainly for betting purposes or poker, but some still used it secretly for purchases and such. It's kinda rare to come by, so that's why my Uncle Phil was so protective of it. I didn't know much about this secret economy because no one told me the bad effects, or that it worthless, until now. I've heard of a worthless currency used in the past. But again, I didn't know."

The duo was in complete shock; their mouths gaping enough to catch flies. Then Rigby went into a giggling fit. "Tch, Phil. HAHA!"

"Shut up dude!" Mordecai punched the back of Rigby's head. "AUUGGH! WILL YOU QUIT DOING THAT?"

I climbed into the shotgun seat of the cart and waited for the two to stop bickering. "Boys," I muttered while I played Doodle Jump. I didn't even realize we left the parking lot—5 minutes later. I looked up when I finished my game. "Huh? Where're we going now?" I asked.

Mordecai glanced at me from his driving range. "Wherever. You said you were gonna treat us today."

"Oh yeah. Since my first plan didn't go as expected, how bout the mall? They have stuff."

"Sounds good. We can go to that Two Pines place that's a few blocks away. Rigby, what do you think?"

I turned around and looked in the backseat. He was playing some game, didn't know he had a handheld. "Sounds cool; I wanna play something other than this Pokémon thing I found in Alina's backpack….DANG IT TORCHIC!"

"YOU WHAT?" I brought out my claws once again.

"…mommy…." Rigby looked like he was gonna wet himself.

"Oh great, here we go again." Mordecai just rolled his eyes.

* * *

><p><span>Two Pines Mall<span>

"Ok. Here's 20 bucks, go nuts. You two can go buy anything you want with it." I handed Mordecai a LEGAL $20 bill. Obviously I can't trust Rigby with it; little bastard would spend it on a crane machine or lottery tickets from foreigners. "Thanks Alina," said Mordecai. "But are you sure we can spend it on anything?"

"Of course. Now you two scoot! I gots to do some lady shoppi—where'd they go?" I looked beyond—they ran off.

"Catch ya later Al!" They both yelled as they ran off with the 20.

I sighed. "Oh well, time for me to shop 'till I drop!" I started going off to a pharmacy area to get the main essentials. Basically a toothbrush and paste, shampoo and soap, feminine items, deodorant, and a hairbrush. I also went to a few stores looking at electronics, but nothing could compare to my iPhone4. Plus there were endless stores, I even got lost twice.

After an hour, I got kinda tired. I got what I needed anyway: hygiene items, pajama pants, and a couple of tank tops, shirts and pants. And of course about 20 pairs of bras and panties at some place called "Georgina's Trust" (A/N: Lol, another play on words xD). For some reason they were giving away free black & white checkered sheets with every purchase, which was a good thing because I didn't wanna sleep on a naked mattress.

And, there was one awesome store that I went to. When I walked in, I was surrounded by piercings, graphic T's, and lots of make-up and animal hats. It seemed like a place that wanted to make you barf chunks (especially one that was a cross between Claire's and Aéropostale), but it wasn't actually all THAT girly. I grabbed some earrings and a headband then went to the counter.

"Will that be all?" The lady with the visor asked. I nodded yes.

"K, that'll be $2.85." I handed her the money then got my new things and left.

"Thank you, have a nice day. DAMMIT STARLA GET OFF YOUR DOUGHNUT BREAK!"

I ignored that last part, mainly by reading the sign above the store. 'Hmph, Icy & Hot. Gotta remember that,' I thought to myself. I bought a pretzel and cup of mustard at the place next door then I finally sat down at a close by table.

I sighed. "Great, what do I do now? Oh well." I dipped my pretzel into the mustard then bit into it. It was good, but I should stop eating it because I eat too much salt anyway. Then again I was hungry. I needed energy to carry all those bags.

"It's better if you use barbecue sauce," a gruff woman voice said.

"Huh?" I looked up and flinched with horror, yet curiosity. The woman standing next to me had green skin, her hair brown (but with a tinted barfy green in there as well) in two pigtails with the bottom half down. She had a pig-like nose and huge lips drowned in red lipstick. She was DEFINITELY on the heavy side. I couldn't tell where her breasts were or if that was just another set of rolls. Probably since she wore a tight white long-sleeved shirt and a purplish small skirt that was the reason she looked really big.

"So, you gonna respond to my advice or not?"

"Oh! Sorry…. yeah, how does a pretzel taste good like that?"

"Pretty good, but it's been years since I've had one."

She sat down on a chair next to me. "I'm Starla, by the way." She held up her pink nametag to show me.

"That's a cool name. I'm Alina."

"Awesome, wait. Are you a Muslim?"

*vessel popping from forehead* "No… I'm far from it. But that's a common misconception. Waaiiit, Starla…I heard that name in the store over there earlier."

Starla tugged at her shirt collar. "Yeah, I work at Icy and Hot. Apparently my co-worker Caitlin is suddenly pissed off whenever I go on my doughnut breaks. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT! Plus that bitch always complains of how my breaks are too long and that I get powder on my shirt and on the merchandise as well. She kicked me out of the store just now so I can finish my break elsewhere."

"Wow, Caitlin sounds like a stuck-up whore. Just wondering, you look really familiar. You have relatives?" I ate some more of my pretzel as I listened.

"I get that a lot. Especially when me and my boyfriend Mitch go on dates. People think we're twins or whatever. But I give them a good dropkick and we continue on."

*sweat drop* "Ooookay then." I finished the rest of my pretzel and threw out the trash in a nearby can.

"Hey Alina?" Starla asked.

"Yeah?"

"Can I get your number? You seem all right."

"Uh, sure." Starla took out two pens and a piece of paper. We both wrote our numbers on opposite sides, then I ripped the paper in half afterward and we gave each other our numbers. We later on got up from the table and left.

"Starla, wanna come with me?" I asked.

"Eh, I know I shouldn't go any farther. But okay; I gotta burn off the doughnuts anyway," she replied.

Starla and I walked around the mall some more. She even offered to carry two of my bags. Some people gave us weird looks; probably cuz they never saw a cat and a green woman walk around together. But oh well, at least we were having fun.

An Hour Later

Starla and I sat down by a fountain after walking around and talking. We laughed at some people that we thought were a little weird. "Look! There's a Chinese dude with a briefcase. You think he's late for work?" I said.

"Probably," said Starla. "He's all like ' I am super boring, I work all day long! BWONNNG!"

I laughed a good amount on that joke. "Hahaha!, nice one."

*SPLASH* The two of us turned around and looked at the fountain. Some guy in a blue hoodie was in the fountain soaking wet with a huge bruise on his face. A blonde headed girl jumped in the fountain and kicked the guy repeatedly. Her green and white shirt was getting wet and her two pigtails were coming undone.

**"DON'T—EVER—CALL—ME—THE QUEEN OF SLACKERS! UNDERSTAND?" **She yelled as she kept kicking the hooded man. "OK! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" The guy crawled outta the fountain and ran off leaving a trail of water in his path.

The blonde girl was huffing from lack of breath. She climbed out as well and just sat on the edge trying to catch her breath. Everyone was just staring in complete silence. Starla stood up on the edge and twirled her purse around.

"WOOOOT! VIOLENCE!"

"Bet you enjoyed that didn't you?" I asked.

Starla sat back down like nothing happened. "Of course, it's better than the wrestling I go see."

"HEY, LET ME GO!"

Two mall cops were trying to carry off the blonde girl from earlier. "Quit struggling and come with us," one of the mall cops said. "NEVER!" The girl kicked him in the groin and he crouched over in pain. Another cop came in and re-restrained the girl with handcuffs.

_'I can't let her get arrested. Not after what I myself have been through. That douche probably deserved a butt kicking anyway,'_ I thought. I rushed over to the cops dragging her off. "Hey! What're you doing with her?"

"What do you think? You were there. She had a public fight with an innocent man and she deserves to meet justice," the cop restraining her said.

"Well, you can't do that because—"

"Because, what?" The other cop leaned in toward me.

"Because...the fight was part of her therapy!" _'Dammit, what was that?'_

"What?" Both mall cops got a curiosity look. "Errh, yeah! She's part of our program in college." I pointed to me and Starla. The handcuffed girl looked at us weird, so I winked at her for reassurance."We're both taking Psychology and we just got our new patient…."

"Alex," the blonde girl said. She seemed to have caught on.

"Right, Alex has a few mental disorders that cause her extreme outbursts of violence and anxiety. So we take her out to public places to relieve that tension in any ways possible. Isn't that right, patient 53B?" I winked at Alex again. She nodded her head. "Uhhh right!...DOOOOYAAAHHHHHHH!"

I think I lost a few brain cells on that outburst. The cops un-cuffed her and pushed her to us. "Alrighty then. But you two better keep a better eye on her next time."

Starla grabbed Alex by the arm. "Don't worry officer. Come on Alice, time for your food therapy!" I face-palmed as I left with them.

We got to a good enough distance until we saw the cops leave. "Wow, thanks guys. I owe you one," said Alex.

"No problem; I just wanna know why you beat the H outta that guy," I replied.

"He was my lab partner in chemistry, and I use the term _was_ actually. We were collecting bacteria in the fountain and I was taking a little break. So he called me the 'Queen of Slackers' and I had to beat him up for that. No one and I mean NO ONE calls me that! I hate it when people do that though." Alex crossed her arms.

Starla stepped forward. "Ouch, that's almost as bad as what I and Alina go through." I rubbed the back of my neck; the thought of my real world life made me cringe.

Alex looked at me. "Alina? That's your name?"

Yeah, but don't say anything weird about it. But next to me is Starla.

"Hi!" Starla waved.

"And if I recall, you're Alex?"

She flipped one of her pigtails over her shoulder. "You bet, Alex Griffin to be precise."

"Well if we're doing formality, I'm Alina Jerichon." I took out my hand and Alex shook it.

Starla put down the bags she had. "Hey guys, I gotta get back to work if that's all right."

"Totally," said Alex.

"Alright then. Alina and Alex, it was awesome meeting you two and I hope to see you again." Starla took out a powdered doughnut and ate it as she walked off.

"Bye Starla!" Alex and I both said. Alex took Starla's place and carried the two bags she left and we walked to the arcade.

"Hey Alex."

"Hmph?"

"I want you to meet some friends of mine. They'll definitely like you."

"Ok. Sounds cool."

We walked inside the arcade. I scanned around to find Mordecai and Rigby. BINGO! I saw them at that Strong Johns game in the corner. I saw Rigby got himself a new green hat with the flat bill instead of those curved ones.

Mordecai got a denim vest with authentic tears on them. I went to their occupied selves and tapped them on the shoulder. Both of them turned around. "Oh, hey Alina," said Mordecai.

~LOSER, LOSER~ The player 2 part flashed. Rigby turned back around.

"WHAT? NO!" He got upset and kicked the machine until he got tired. "Way to make me lose Alina."

"Aw, shut up. I'm done with my shopping and I found a new friend." I pointed to Alex. She waved to the duo. "Hey guys."

"Hey Alex." They waved back.

"Wait, you three know each other?" Small world ain't it?

"Yeah; I'm just surprised that you know Mordecai and Rigby. I used to work with them."

"Small world isn't it?" said Mordecai. "But shouldn't we be getting back?" He had a point.

"Yeah, we should go. Come on guys. Alex, you wanna come along?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess, and I want to see all the guys again." She walked along with us to the mall exit and to the cart.

The Park, 3rd Person POV

It was around four o' clock when the four got back to the park. They talked on and on about random things. Rigby even got lottery tickets just 'cuz he felt lucky enough to get rich at the moment. When they drove up to the driveway, Benson was waiting at the stairs pretty angry. "Where, HAVE YOU BEEN?"

They all got out of the cart so they could explain. "Ok, Benson. This sounds weird, but Ali—"

"I don't care for your explanation Mordecai! We've all been waiting for you three to return. Wait, there are four of you; hey Alex." Benson waved to her and she waved back. "Come on out guys!" A yeti, Pops, a fat green man, and a floating ghost with a hand on his head all came out of the house and stood by the stairs.

Alina, Alex, Mordecai and Rigby walked toward them. Benson scrunched his supposed eyebrows together in frustration. "Ok, I know that we're behind schedule, but we still need a proper introduction. So Alina, this is High Five Ghost,"

"Wassup?"

"Pops,"

"It is a pleasure re-meeting you."

"Muscleman,"

"WOOOOOT!" The green man yelled.

"And Skips."

The yeti just did a grunt.

"Ok guys, get back to work!" said Benson. The guys all slowly disbanded; the four that got back walked up the stairs and into the house. Skips kept staring at the feline until he skipped up to her. "You're new around here aren't you?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah. I'm you're co-worker."

"No, I mean you're new around here. You don't seem like an original person that just lives at this place."

Alina raised one of her eyebrows. "Uh...you can say that." She ran inside and plopped on the couch with her bags on the table. "God am I tired."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Rigby sat next to her.

"Dude, all you did was buy 5 lottery tickets from that Mexican, play Strong Johns and failing, and buy that stupid hat," said the blue jay.

"I was gonna share those tickets!"

Alex reached over and grabbed one of them from Rigby's paw. "I want one then! I need to get some money to pay off my brothers anyway." Mordecai and Alina both grabbed a ticket as well. Mordecai and Rigby both scratched off their numbers.

"Dude! I have two 7s!" yelled Rigby. Mordecai got the first number. "Hold on dude, I have a cherry." He scratched off another one. "Wait, ANOTHER CHERRY! I LOVE THE LOTTERY!"

"LOTTERRRRRYYYYY!" The girls yelled raising up their half scratched cards.

"LOTTTEERRRYYYYY!" The boys yelled.

"LLLLLOOOOTTTTEEERRRRRYYYY!"

"LEMON?" Rigby looked at his ticket. "AW MAN!" Alex snickered. "I think that Mexican really sold you a 'lemon' don't you think?"

Mordecai started laughing as he scratched off the last number. "Hahaha! Nice one dude. Now let's if I—A BAR? Man, what a ripoff." The avian ripped up his ticket.

"Hmph, hmph. No use bragging now," said Alina. She and Alex both scratched off their last ones.

Alex had her 1st and 3rd number scratched to reveal two shamrocks. Alina's had the same but her 2nd one was scratched, not the third.

"Ok, you ready blondie?"

"You bet kitty cat!"

They scratched off their last numbers.

"FREE SPACE!"

"OOOHHHHHHH! SHAMROOOOCK! WOOOOOOOOOH, I GET A THOUSAND SMACKAROONIES!"

Alex put her card in her pants pocket. "That's still good. At least I get 500 dollars." Alina jumped up and down with glee. She had almost enough to replace the original amount of money she had. Mordecai and Rigby were looking at her pretty pissed. "YAAAAAAAAYYYYY! I WIN THE WHOLE LOAD!"

*punch, punch* "OW, GOD!" Alina got two punches on her back and arm from Mordecai. She rubbed her arm from the first punch. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

Mordecai snickered. "You said you, pfft, will get a thousand smacks. Figured why not start now?"

"That should've been my ticket anyway…" Rigby mumbled to himself.

"Ah, hush up. You two are just jealous." Alina turned to Alex. "Are you gonna hit me too? Or are you pissed at me as well?"

The blonde girl put up her hands. "I swear I won't. I got some money too so I'm happy. But I still wanna gloat with you."

* * *

><p><strong>You people think this is as long as the last one? TOO BAD! XD I again bg52598 for being an awesome author and friend. But before I sign off, I can still get on this site, anonymously. Some might recognize my username. Maybe someone from an upper class title. But mainly the name might be a certain gum product with the name and flavor combined into one word ;D<strong>

**THIS IS ICECAT19 BIDDING YOU ADIEU!**


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